Never Would Have Worked Out Anyway one shot
by Depps My Husband
Summary: one shot song fic to Brad Paisley's 'Never Woulda Worked Out Anyway'. Told in Tommy's POV. written for humor cuz the song's hilarious. as much to character as possible. cute and fluffy. give it a shot.


Okay, so this is basically just a humor one-shot to Brad Paisley's 'Never Would've Worked Out Anyway' because I think the song is funny. However, I don't think the guy relates to Tommy, I did my best and usually I try to keep it as close to character which was dificult here because Tommy wouldn't do what the dude in the song did but I love the song and I love the show so what better way to pair it up. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

"Tommy!" I heard Jude shout, knowing what was coming. She'd caught me again. The third time. 

"Tommy, where are you?!" she shouts again. I quickly put my headphones on, and turn so my backs to the door when she slams it open. "Tommy!"

Putting on an award winning smile, I turn to her like nothing's wrong. "Something wrong, Girl?" Please _fall for it, please fall for it._

"You know damn well what's wrong!"

Damn.

**Oh lighten up, where's your sense of humor?****  
They're just tiny little rumors,****  
That I started 'cause I'm lookin' out for you.**

Okay, so to cut to the chase, I've been thinking a lot lately. Me and Jude have been dancing around for almost eight years now. I know the times we dated went to disaster, but that girl's locked in my heart. And to tell the truth, these past three years where we haven't had much sexual contact have been so hard not to grab her in my arms and kiss her senseless sometimes. I don't think she's moved on from me, but she's more open to other things now. Like boys. Other one's besides me. She's opening her horizon to all these guys who would think she'd be the best thing that'd happen to them. Wrong. **I'm** the only guy who can fill those shoes.

Me.

I'll admit, I've gone to some extreme lengths however to keep her to myself. But like I just clarified. She's only my girl. And besides what I say to these… _aquaintences,_ aren't so bad.

**Oh settle down,I'm just a little jealous,****  
And I'm sure those other fellas,****  
Never once believed the lies I told were true.**

I can see her fuming in front of me as she takes a deep breath and turns to shut the door behind her. I hear a click and assume that was the door locking and can't help but have a dirty thought process through my mind as to her locking us in. However, I know sex isn't on her mind. Like I said, she caught me in one of my rumors again.

Slowly she turned to face me, "What is your problem?" she asked slowly and calmy. Surprisingly.

Should I play dumb, or confess? Uhm… "My problem?"

"Don't play dumb with me." She said, letting the anger show.

This girl can read me like a book. But that's okay. More proof on my side that she's mine. And everyone else can back the hell away. So what though? Point out my lies, I'm not gonna confess. "Can you advise me to what I'm playing dumb about?"

"Jake had a couple of questions for me." She confessed. And hear comes the eye of the storm. "Said my older brother came and told him something he thought he should know."

**Like the time I told that cowboy that you used to be a man.**

I gulp and she caught it 'cause her eyes just doubled in size. Without hesitation her arms swings palm up as she slaps my arm. "Ow! What the hell, Jude?!" I shout, standing up from my seat. "What was that for?!"

"You know damn well! You told Jake I had a sex change!?"

Hearing those words come out of her mouth I couldn't help but choke on a laugh that I tried desperately to hide, and desperately failed. And now she's just in pure shock. Her mouth's agape and her eyes wide and seconds after the shock does pass her hand fly's around for round two, hitting my chest.

See, this 'Jake' guy she's referring to was her co-star in her latest music video. A non-gay Mason. The guy looks like he walked out of a western movie, and tries to pull off this 'howdy ya'll' cowboy crap to make the female audience crave over him. Me? I just want to puke. So when I saw him and Jude getting a little too touchy feely off camera, I had to step up. Jude ain't gonna be cowboy's horse to ride. Her saddle belongs to me.

"Jude, stop!" I said, grabbing her arms to avoid her beating me, and trying desperately to keep my laughter over the subject under control.

I can't remember the last time her face looked so mad. "_Stop?_ Why don't **you** stop!?" she asked through gritted teeth while trying to reposes her hands, but I'm not an idiot. I held on to keep my eyes _un_ brusied.

However, I can't help but continue to think this is funny, and one day when me and Jude are married and old, we'll be sitting in the family room telling our kids about this. "How many times are you gonna keep doin' this Quincy?!" she yelled, breaking my train of thought.

As many times as it takes girl.

**And the doctor you were datin' ****that you hide your wedding band.**

I remember the first time I went ahead and did this. Almost a year and a half ago the way I was seeing things, it seemed as if we were finally ready to be together with no drama. She flirted with me, I flirted with her, and then in strolls Dr. Handsome. Jude had been sick for a while and my stupid ass encouraged her to go see what was wrong. She wined and complained not wanting to go alone, so I said I'd go along with her but little did I know as my eyes scanned though magazines that Jude's young and cute doc's eyes were scanning Jude.

Nu uh.

Not gonna happen.

She walks in with a gleaming smile, and I look up smiling myself just because she's happy, but when the doc followed after handing her a piece of paper that she quickly wrote her number down on, my smile was gone. Poof. Vanished. Not. There. Any. More.

Once we got outside, her being so happy about the guy got under my skin, so I lied, saying I must've dropped my cell in the office and ran back in. To my luck, I wasn't going to have to charm the nurse to see Jude's doctor, because he was out in the office talking to a patient. I called him over and casually told him Jude was engaged—for the second time already, and the expression on Dubey's face said all. After slipping in that little info I patted his shoulder, gave the nurse a wink and made my way back to join my girl.

**Even if I am responsible for scaring them away,**

**You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favor,**

**'Cause it**** never woulda worked out anyway.**

"Jude, I'm sorry." I told her, but that didn't help. "I didn't trust the guy."

"Bull." She replied, calling me on my crap. See. She reads me like a book. "This isn't the first time you've done this, Quincy, and if you think it's funny, it's not."

I roll my eyes—a _**big**_ mistake on my part. Jude quickly kicks me in the shin, and I release her hands without thinking; the pain in my shin almost blinding. "Dammit, Jude!" I curse and she only stomps her foot and lets her anger escalate.

**Oh can't you see, the reason that I'm doin',****  
All the crazy things I'm doin',****  
Is becau****se I really care about you girl.**

"Why are you so upset that I'm looking out for you!?" I ask, letting my voice rise.

She mocks a laugh. "By telling someone I used to be a _**man?!**_ Jesus, Tommy, of all the things to say, _**that?!**_"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I couldn't think of what else to say."

Again, she laughs, "Just how many rumors have you started that you resort to that one?"

Oh my God, I can't bring words to my mouth. It's open, and I'm standing here like an idiot, and I can tell Jude is picking up that this isn't my second occasion of doing this.

**And I'll admit I go a little farther,****  
Than I know I probably oughta,****  
But it's all**** because I need you in my world.**

"Don't tell me there's been more than Brian and Jake?" she asks, keeping herself cool. I could tell she was praying that I wasn't about to say otherwise.

See, the thing is I know by saying stuff like, Jude's married or, she used to be a man and all the other things I've said to have these guys back off could totally back fire on me. But c'mon. We have something special. We're gonna get married one day and have kids and live in a house, making music and being happy.

I figured all this once I realized, that after all these years, we really have been a couple. Sure I've had a few dates now and then along with Jude, but at the end of the day, when one of us needs someone, we're the first people we turn to. I know every little thing about her it's crazy and likewise with her. We're the first ones to tell the other good news or turn to when we're bored. Just there's the lack of a sexual life. But even there, it's not an unfamiliar territory. Just it's been put on the back burner for a while now.

Besides the point though. I know saying these things to these guys is childish and immature, blah blah blah, but I don't care. I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl, and I know she wants the same too, but all these damn punks keep jumping into my game and well… it pisses me off. I'm her man. So as the duty of said job, I must direct all her little boy toys in the opposite direction.

**Like the time I told that lawyer that ****you spent a year in jail.**

"It was only Jake and the lawyer." I lied, looking away pretending to be ashamed. Seems I'd of been better off keeping eye contact though.

"What?!" she shrieked, causing me to instantly look back at her. "Brian was a salesman! Conner was the lawyer!"

Shit.

"What the hell did you tell him?!" she demanded, and I sighed, knowing if I wanted to be able to have one shin not bruised I'd be honest.

I brought my hand up to my mouth, trying to muffle my response, "That you spent a year in the big house."

And hah! She didn't hear me, 'cause her expression is totally lost.

"What?!" she screams out of nowhere. "What ever crossed your mind to tell a _**lawyer**_ that I'm a felon!?" Her hands move up to start to massage her temples as she begins to pace and I decide it best that I keep quiet.

**And the salesman you were seein' you hang out at cheap motels.**

I'm more than positive she'll get over all this. We'll laugh about it as we reminsce over this obstacle of my desperate attempt to keep her all to myself.

"What posses you to say these things Tommy?" she asks calmly again. Calm Jude is starting to freak me out. I know she's trying not to get carried away and keep her stress level down, but when she jumps at me I almost piss myself out of sheer shock.

"Oh, you know that lawyer only wanted to get in your pants. You were in the same meeting as everyone else Jude." I replied, knowing I need to start defending myself.

She laughed again. Dammit, why does she have to do that. I know that means she's about to give a smart ass remark and then start yelling. "Then why didn't you have enough trust in me to take care of myself. You know I wouldn't just go around and sleep with someone that easily!"

Ah, man. I can't stand it when she guilts me! Give me a break. "I know!" I say back, matching her volume.

Jude crosses her arms over her chest and stares at me in a demanding, yet, sympathetic way. "And what'd you tell Brian? The truth please, Quincy."

Ugh. Why me? Why do I have to be the guy that falls for that tone, and hates lying to her. "I took him aside and asked if he saw you over by that motel on the east side of town."

Her eyes shut slowly as she lets out a shaky breath. "Park it Here Inn?" she asks, as her eyes slowly open and I nod.

Finishing, I tell her, "I said you hang out around there a lot, and was wondering if he'd seen you since you hadn't been answering your phones."

She has a smirk on her face as she replies, "So, Jake thinks I used to be a man, Conner thinks I've been to jail, and Brian thinks I hang out at cheap motels?"

I hesitate as her eyes move over to mine before I nod. "Yeah…"

She's not moving and I'm scared shitless. Suddenly she reaches for the notebook on the soundboard and throws it at me. Thankfully her aim sucks.

**Even if I am responsible for scaring them away,****  
You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favor,**

**Cause it never woulda worked out anyway.**

"Are you nuts?!"

"Jude you should be thanking me." I reply, trying to sound convincing. Not that I shouldn't be, but when I have objects being thrown at my head it's kinda hard to keep composure.

There's that laugh again. "Are you out of your mind?! Thanking you? Why on Earth would I thank you!?"

I groan, irritated that she's so… so… blonde. "I'm outta my mind when it comes to you." I reply in a quiet tone. I don't want to argue with her. "It would have never worked out with those guys. You know that."

"That's besides the point Tom. It's my reputation—"

"—And my feelings." I replied so quickly I wish I hadn't. By the looks on her face, she's thinking the same thing.

**I can't stand the thought of you with anybody else,****  
I know I've gone ov****erboard but I can't help myself.**

She's quiet and I'm quiet and the room's quiet and I swear I'm going to lose my mind if someone doesn't—

"You're feelings?" she quietly mutters, in a tone that I'm not sure of question or sarcasm.

I only nod, figuring this day couldn't get any worse. "I don't like you dating other guys, Jude. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I'm just trying to keep you my girl as long as I can."

"So you lie and pathetically sneak around behind my back—spreading rumors, and shooting down my self esteem one guy at a time?" she asks, and hey, I've already opened up to her. Nothing else I say or do will make a difference.

I shrug before replying, "Not this guy." And for the first time since I confessed I still want her I look up to see her confused. She's clearly still angry but of course my words have made her weak, because she's stuttering her words that she can't seem to find and can't keep a clear thought. "You'll never be less than perfect to me."

Time passes by and I wish she'd just say what she has to say. Tell me it won't work. Maybe this time I'll take it seriously. Forget about wanting to marry her. Forget about having kids with her. I'm thirty years old. I'm thirty. Years. Old. I'm not young anymore to bachelor around anymore.

However, my thoughts are interrupted as Jude walks up to me, and just as I take my eyes from the floor and my thoughts back to her, her hands gently take my face as she kisses me. If kissing her wasn't too good to be true I'd definitely be jumping up and down right now in triumph. God, I've wanted to feel her lips on mine for far too long.

"You just can't help yourself, can you Quincy?" she replies as she pulls away. My eyes open and I see her smiling giddily at me as her hands still rest upon my cheeks and mine on her hips.

**Like the time I told that dentist you had seven little kids.**

**And you doubled as a dancer at the strip joint on the ridge.**

I shake my head, smile still intact as I lean in for a small kiss. "Please don't keep getting in positions where I have to… have to—"

"Act like a teenage boy?" she finishes with a smile.

I laugh lightly, "Exaclty."

She laughs as well as I pull her down onto my lap. "You know," she says, while moving her arms to loop around my neck. "I guess all those rumors weren't so bad."

I give her a curious look as she continues. "Remember a couple months back there was an article in Talk National about me having seven kids? I mean where do they come up with this stuff. I'm not old enough to have seven kids."

My face goes blank and I know it's a dead give away, so I fake a smile, but the second Jude looks to me she knows. Her happy-go-lucky mood faded as she gave me the evil eye. "Tom Quincy." She says in a demanding tone.

"Girl that dentist was nuts." I spit out. "I mean, c'mon. How many check ups do you need in a month, seriously. You're teeth are fine."

And before I can continue, she's giggling. I look up and she's not angry. "What'd you tell him?"

Seeing she's seeing the humor in this now I don't even lie. "I said, well… Basically that he better get used to seeing her because when she starts bringing in her kids you'll never see another patient. Then I added how seven kids wasn't exactly an easy number to forget."

She's eyeing me, knowing there's more. See I can read her like a book too. "And that you doubled as a dancer at some strip club."

Okay, that expression I'm not too fond of. She actually looks really, really mad.

**Even if I am responsible for scaring him away,**

**You really ought to thank me, I was doin' you a favor,**

**'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway. **

Her head goes down and I can't help but feel horrible. I just want her to be mine. Not anyone else's and I guess while thinking these things I wasn't thinking in general. I love this girl. I shouldn't say these kind of things to other guys to win her heart. If I'd have been straight up with her, not only would she been with me, but I wouldn't have had to hurt her in the process which I seem to be amazingly good at.

As she brings her head up, she has a small smile on her face and as she slightly nods her head she says, "Good. 'Cause it never would've worked out anyway."

Didn't know I was holding my breath as I released it and we both let the smiles on our faces explode as we laughed together over the whole situation.

"We better work out Quincy." She warns me.

I laugh. "Well here." I say, releasing my hold to reach into my pocket, "How about I give you something to let those guys know to stay away?"

She eyes me curiously, looking down to my hand and I can't help but chuckle before pulling out a small box. My eyes fly to her facial expression as she gasps and brings one hand to her mouth. "Tommy…"

**It's all because I love you and I can't stop thinkin' of you,  
****And it never woulda worked out anyway**.

"This is because I love you," I started, flipping the box open with my thumb. I leaned in closer to whisper into her ear, "And I can't stop thinkin' of you." Taking my other hand from around her waist I gently take her hand and bring the ring inside the box to the top of her finger.

Jude looked to me and smiled, "And it never will work out any other way." She finished for me as I leaned in while simultaneously sliding the ring onto her finger and pressing my lips to hers.


End file.
